then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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