someone get that fucking seahorse.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
