Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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