This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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