is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
