i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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