its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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