she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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