Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
