your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
