Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
