Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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