ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
