Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
