Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
