I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
