sorry about calling you the devil all night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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