It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
