my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's like God shit irony all over that family
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you never un-have a 4some
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
