he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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