i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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