she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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