Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
