I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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