he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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