mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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