if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
