Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
