And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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