All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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