I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
