Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
