She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
