She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
