I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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