Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
