I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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