I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize