he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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