come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
