exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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