I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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