lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
