you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
