i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
