just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
