My brain says no but my pants say off.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just blew my weed a kiss
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
