I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
