I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
