I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
