I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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