So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
