I'm drive I can fine osifer
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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