Non-Jews are for practice
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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