I love black thongs
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
