and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize