we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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