I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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