I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Of course I have a pirate flag
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
