I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
