I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
