you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
