Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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