Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
