She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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