I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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