i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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