Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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