He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
