You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
