i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
