I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
