maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
