Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
