dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
