I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
