Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
