i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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