i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
