stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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