hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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