My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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