I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
