My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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