upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
