I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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