I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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